Retrospective rumination...

Well, I keep promising myself that I will write more regularly, but I just don't. For the most part, it's sheer laziness, accompanied by the total dearth of good ideas. Not to mention, every time I form a sentence, I read it, re-read it, and re-read it and then scrap it. And so the vicious cycle of nothingness continues. I need to get my groove back, my writing groove that is. Oh, on a positive note, I decided (well, almost!) on a title for my blog. (It's up there, if you haven't noticed). That took me a long time too. I had initially decided on 'Idiosyncratic musings'. Then, out of curiosity, I Googled it, and found more than ten similarly named blogs. Sigh. (I also thought of Idiosyncratic brooding, idiosyncratic pondering, and some more, but I personally liked the alliteration of 'Idiosyncratic Introspection'. The alliteration fad continues with the title of this post as well.)

So, the end of the year is nearing. I haven't decided on resolutions for the next yet. I know I will not fulfil them. (My conviction scares me. Talk about losing before even starting!) So, instead of writing a post on resolutions for 2012, i decided I'd rather retrospect and think about how 2011 fared! Mostly because it will probably go down in history as one of the most important years of my life. I may be getting ahead of myself, but all the signs say so. Overall, the year was good; personally, more good things happened than bad. *knocking on wood*

It started out like any other year. (Oh yes, one resolution I most definitely am making is not to use the acronym LOL. My friend, Prasad and I resolved this a month or so in advance. We have a game plan too! Ref: below!)

A few good carry forwards from the previous year, 2010, were that I met a lot of nice people (if you are reading, do not gloat. If you don't, brownie points for you!). I normally do not warm up too quickly to strangers, but I am glad I did. It helped me make some really good friends. (I know they will read this, sooner rather than later, and my fingers itch to type something mean, just because I CAN. *bitchy me* :D) But, in all honesty, with all their idiosyncrasies (yes, it is my new favorite word) and different personalities, they proved to be very, very good friends. A big shout out to my amigos, Juan and Carlos (or, wait, was I Juan?)...oh I forget my other amigo's name...but, nevertheless, Vivek and Prasad. There is never a dull moment with them around. If I was still using Orkut, I'd write them testimonials! (That, believe me, says a lot!) I'm glad to have met Phalgun, with his 'Science-Boy super-power' ;), G, with his irrepressible smile, and P and Varun and all the rest. (Repeat special mention to Smaran, who inspired me to restart blogging. Thank you, Smaran). I could write stories of epic proportions on these guys but there's a lot of ground to cover. It has been a long, long year.

School ended. I didn't expect to miss it as much as I do. I miss being a student, more than attending the classes. Obviously. I knew the semester of Spring '11 was going to be a tough one, and oh boy, it was. I had my first conference at UI-Urbana-Champaign, I managed to finish all my work for my thesis and successfully defended it too. In the midst of all that was the horrible period of job hunting. A hundred job applications and 3 interviews. The numbers left me dumbstruck. The anxiety, the tension, the interviews, the wait after the interviews made me vow that once I get a job, I am not leaving it for nothing! I do not understand people who enjoy their interviews; there is most definitely something for to learn from them. My interviews were nerve-racking, more so was the wait post-interview. I waited for that one life changing phone call that people talk and write about. I wish I could say my life was as dramatic. It wasn't. Mine followed the path of numerous emails back and forth with the company, dozens of phone calls and lots and lots of waiting, because their budget was still on hold. I think I was more relieved than I was happy when I learnt that I had got the job. Yes, I am impatient and do not like waiting. :)

Professionally, (and academically) the first half of the year was a roaring success. Everything fell into place. I bought my first car. I love her. Do not ask me why it's a 'her'. She just is. My best friend Rohini names my vehicles; she named both my two wheelers back home. I am waiting on her for a suitable name. Oh, Vivek did christen her the Stormtrooper though. Let's see how that name holds when she has to bear the brunt of the storms I am bound to face soon. My stint as the vice-president for the International Students' Club was fairly successful and we pulled off our biggest event with aplomb. I miss being a part of these events. Going back to school and being just a spectator saddens me (which was why I was more than eager to help this Diwali!)

Personally, it was a mixed bag. I knew moving was going to be difficult. Sharing your life and your space with certain people for two years connects you to them to an extent I didn't know possible until I actually moved. You either love or hate them to bits. There is hardly ever any middle ground. Coming home to my empty hotel room after my first day at work saddened me more than I thought it could. I missed the noise, the laughter, the jokes that inevitably waited when I got home from a long day at the lab at school. I missed the concern, the care, the joy, the laughter, the food, the parties, the booze, the after effects of the booze...the people. It's especially disheartening to see how quickly we grow out of our need for each other.

The month of May especially filled me with sorrow and I was depressed for the greater part of the month. Four students from school lost their lives in a car accident. I didn't know any of them personally, but I knew the grief of losing someone loved. These boys were young, energetic, and eager. Why? As always, the only question in my mind was why. It questioned the basis of my faith, as it did eight years ago when my brother passed away in a train accident. I knew what their families would be going through, I knew what that loss felt like and I knew that nothing anyone said would ever help. It never did and it never will. The void that is created inside of you can only be filled by you. Everything other people say just falls on deaf ears. There is this myth that time is the greatest healer. It isn't. Even after eight years, there is an unfillable void in me. Maybe enough time hasn't passed, or maybe I haven't found the right method to heal. (Not many people know this side of me. I don't mention this to people, because it just makes them uncomfortable. No one knows the right thing to say or the right way to act. I understand that.) I wandered aimlessly, pondering and questioning, knowing that these are unanswerable questions.

My one pillar of strength through this; Vinay. I know how difficult I can be when I am at my worst. I was at my worst more than once this year and that he handled it all, without complaining, blew me away. Okay, I am not going to get all mushy here, but I thought it would be unfair to not mention it. (If you are reading this, you are the best thing that could have happened to me :))
Whew! That was long, and that was only half the year. It's a relief that the second half was quite eventless, isn't it? I moved to Rockford, IL in July and started my first real job at Danfoss. It was exciting, a little scary but mostly felt good to be out there in the professional world. Work has been pretty slow, with me being new, with a few tough nuts to crack, but on the whole a good experience so far. I wish I could say the same about moving. As I mentioned earlier, I missed being with people. So September was a bright spark when we decided to meet in Colorado. The trip was wonderful. A few hiccups, but all in all, I had a great time. (oh, not to forget, it was especially sweet of the aforementioned boys to make a trip to see me :)) Things improved when Vinay graduated and decided to continue his job hunt here at Rockford. Even better was him actually getting a job close to Rockford. And Praveen and Vijay moved to Peoria and one of my closest friends, Prajakta got a job in Morris, IL. So we formed quite the happy group in Illinois. Different thing we don't meet often, but it's good to know that some one's nearby if we need them.

The second half the year was more of getting into the routine of work, with a few inter-spaced trips to Rolla for Celebration of nations, Diwali and the graduation last week. Thanksgiving involved Rolla-ites coming to Rockford and three days of crazy PS3 gaming. Oh, one thing I really enjoyed about moving was setting up house. I loved shopping and scouring for different items. I can't wait to move into a bigger place and get more stuff! :) The year is going to end on a fun note, hopefully, with a new year's trip to Austin for a reunion of sorts. I like that we meet once every 3-4 months and hope that continues. The three days of togetherness almost makes up for the 3 months that we are not together. Almost. (I wrote separation, and then deleted it. It sounded, well, gay :P) So, I am looking forward to that.

2011 was a mixed bag all in all, but as I said mostly positive and will most definitely be one to remember, for a variety of reasons. 2012 is round the corner. If the world doesn't end, I hope to accomplish more than a few things. I can't wait to see my parents and am willing the first half of 2012 to zoom by.
Resolutions? Hmmm... Maybe this year I will try. Just, Maybe.

Happy holidays! And best wishes for a very happy new year to all! (Eat, be merry, be fat :D)

PS: (Did you think I'd end without a PS? :D) What did you think about the name of the blog. Too corny? suggestions are always welcome :)